Screengrab In Exile Live Blogs The Oscars!

Check this space on Sunday for the annual live reaction to the Oscar red carpet and ceremony from the usual gang on the couch in Somerville (Andrew, Amy and Dori) with possible cameos from fellow Exilee Scott Von Doviak and our friend Heidi Cron, via satellite from Hong Kong!

11:50 a.m.
So, just a few hours to go until red carpet time! Last night in snowy Somerville, we watched the Independent Spirit Awards, which…uh…were just a bit off.  Joel McHale was a fine host but…I dunno, much of the usual joie de vivre was missing, with attendees blabbing and fucking texting throughout the ceremony (because apparently being in a tent full of movie stars just isn’t quite interesting enough).

Highlights of the evening included numerous clips of interesting indie films, love for Please Give and Winter’s Bone‘s Dale Dickey and John Hawkes, as well as hearing all the pampered L.A. wimps complaining about how cold the ceremony was, some funny “3-D” shtick and a pre-show sketch of Joel (and then John Waters) getting their hands trapped by a Sid & Marty Krofft version of the 127 Hours boulder in their dressing room.  Lowlights included not getting to see Lena Dunham accept her best first screenplay award for Tiny Furniture and…yes…the ongoing and (to me) utterly baffling adulation for the silly, cheesy, future drag queen fodder that is Black Swan. But, to be fair, Natalie Portman (in a hideous egg yolks dress) gave generous shout-outs to her fellow nominees and the Genius Aronofsky offered gracious thanks to his cast (and then, curiously, the casts of all his other movies).

6:20 PM – Amy is making tuna melts as we settle in for the red carpet.  As Melissa “Elvis” Leo would say, “Thank you…thank you very much.”

6:25 PM – A blimp wishes Hailee Steinfeld luck.  Somerville goes, “Awwww…”

6:25 PM – Michelle Williams arrives holding hands with Busy Phillips.  Somerville goes “Aww” again, but Amy’s over the flesh tones.  (Me, I’m definitely not over Mila Kunis’ cleavage.)

6:25 PM – Amy’s angry that Ryan Seacrest totally snubbed Jackie Weaver.  Meanwhile, Amy and Dori are split on the Kunis dress (while my support of the Kunis cleavage is unwavering).

6:30 PM – Mandy Moore’s dress is Amy’s favorite so far. “There’s that asshole,” Dori says as Russell Brand appears on our TV screen. “His hair looks like pubic hair,” says Amy. But…but he’s with his Mom!

6:37 PM – Natalie Portman acts sexy in a Chanel commercial. And yet, despite her best efforts, Natalie Portman continues not to be sexy. Sorry, Natalie Portman.

6:42 – Russell Brand shows up on screen again. “Uch, he looks like a hairball,” says Amy. And then: “Mmm…Ruffles!”

6:43 – Amy Adams’ sparkly blue dress is my favorite so far. Amy doesn’t like other Amy’s necklace.

6:44 – “There’s Aaron Ralston,” says Amy. “Who?” I ask, then Amy reminds me he’s the one who has to spend the rest of his life being referred to as “The dude that cut his hand off.”

6:51 – Mark Ruffalo is apparently dating one of those “he-she” performers from the carnival with the half-dress on one side and the half-suit on the other. Meanwhile, Amy thinks J-Hud is trying too hard and has a lollipop head. (Then she does a really mean Jesse Eisenberg impression that I can’t quite relay in text.)

6:53 – Dori on Florence (sans The Machine): “There’s nothing about that dress that’s attractive.” Then Dori groans in pain at Cate Blanchett’s Star Trek cadet dress. (But points for the style crazy to tide us over until HBC gets here!)

6:55 – Dori can’t understand how or why Jennifer Hudson’s boobs are so high.

6:59 – Amy and Dori shriek in horror at ScarJo’s dress and greasy hair.  (“She’s spending too much time having sex with Sean Penn,” Amy speculates.)

7:08 – Did Sharon Stone kill a pigeon?

7:09 – Oscar drinking game — every time a Social Network cast member shows up, picture Amy mocking them with a “This is OUR time” shriek, and then take a shot and write some code.

7:11  – Amy thinks Justin Timberlake’s mom needs to, uh, hoist the girls.

7:14 – Heidi Cron (and her kitties Harold and Maude) join us via Skype from Hong Kong!  Welcome, Heidi!

7:19 – The consensus in Somerville is Helena Bonham Carter doesn’t bring nearly enough cray-cray. But…okay. (And we all like her seashell purse!)

7:21 – Heidi says, “Keith Urban. Yuck.”

7:25 – Much love for Helen Mirren’s dress!

7:37 – Heidi sees Christian Bale, asks, “What’s with the beard?” and thinks the black-on-black is “a little Regis.”

7:41 – Amy doesn’t think Gwyneth has the bod for that silver disco dress.

7:42 – And Donald Trump is at the Oscars…why?

7:45 – Heidi thinks Penelope Cruz’s cleavage is a little intimidating.

8:07 – We went offline for a bit with tech difficulties (Skype-ing AND blogging, oh my!). Now we’re with Tim Gunn on ABC, where Natalie Portman’s dress has a fine color and James Franco, as always, seems stoned.

8:14 – Gwynnie’s fashion tip for red carpet newbies is “don’t go too far into the avant garde.” Screw you, Gwynnie! More avant garde! There’s not nearly enough weirdness on the carpet!

8:22 – Hugh Jackman: not working the Moe haircut.

8:25 – Heidi says in Hong Kong the Asian commentators are saying it looks like ScarJo was hit in the back of the head with a shovel. Asians are mean. Also…why are the Oscars starting at 8:30 tonight?

8:32 — Mmm…montage…funny fake movie clips…Alec Baldwin…aaaaaand….we’re IN! OSCARS!

8:35 – How I love James Franco in the True Grit bear suit and Anne Hathaway in the Brown Duck suit!

8:37 – Anne Hathaway’s dress: “Bee-you-tiful!” says Amy. “This is what I like…the glamour,” says Dori.

8:39 – “Used to be, you get naked, you get nominated.” Heh.

8:40 – Grandma Franco. Awwwwww! (These Oscars are going very well so far.)

8:44 – Will Alice In Wonderland win the art direction, cinematography and best picture trifecta Tom Hanks just talked about? Mmm…no…but Alice wins art direction and Dori, me, Buzz and my brother pull into the lead in our Oscar pool!

8:52 – Kirk Douglas is older than the rock that trapped James Franco’s hand.

8:56 – Ummm…okay, Kirk…just announce the winner…

8:57 – It went on just long enough to be funny, and then…hoo-boy, here comes the Mel-Cray.

8:59 – Heidi: “127 Hours later…” Melissa Leo, still sprayin’ crazy.

9:00 – Can we return to the calm sanity of Kirk Douglas, please?

9:01 – There’s a weird gas leak in the Kodak Theater, and everyone is going insane. Meanwhile, Dori loves James Franco’s mockery of Melissa Leo (and, also, funny short and tall animators, who get played off thanks to Kirk & Mel taking up all the damn broadcast time).

9:07 – We’re still trying to figure out what the hell Melissa Leo was screaming about at the end of her speech.

9:13 — Why? Why are Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin in those greasy white tuxedos? They…they weren’t in those before. Why? What fresh hell is this?

9:15 — Aaron Sorkin wins! What a shocking upset! (“This is our time!” — says Amy. Everybody take a drink!)

9:18 — Hooray (former) stammering King’s Speech screenwriter for an adorable speech that makes fun of Melissa Leo!

9:25 — Whu…what the hell is happening? Why is James Franco in a dress? Is the LSD from the ’80s kicking in again? Is this the strangest Oscars ever? Discuss.

9:29 – Dori worries the Best Foreign Film winner may be swallowing her tongue.

9:32 – We officially forgive Christian Bale for his Terminator freak-out.

9:34 – Dickie Eklund is this year’s Temple Grandin.

9:40 — Nicole Kidman comes onstage, Heidi groans, “Oh!  Dress!”

9:44 – Academy Award winner Trent Reznor.  Says Amy, “He’s all growed up!”

9:55 – We’re more interested in Heidi’s cats Harold and Maude fighting in slow motion on Skype than the Nerd tech awards.  Meanwhile, Cate Blanchett’s Star Trek dress is growing on Amy.

9:57 — Man, those Wolfman make-up effects sure are gross!  (And Rick Baker wins his 127th make-up Oscar!)

9:58 — Awww…cute make-up wives!

10:00 — The best costume lady has creepy gloves.  (Also, I’m noticing the “play-offs” are a bit more respectufl this year.)

10:02 — Barack!

10:14 — I shaved for tonight’s broadcast, but Jake Gyllenhaal?  Not so much.

10:16 — “Wow…should have gotten a haircut!”  — way to go, live short film white ‘Fro guy!

10:20 — OPRAH!

10:21 — The Coen Brothers explore their earwax during Oprah’s intro to the Best Documentary category.

10:23 — Yeah!  A little political speech about how Wall Street sucks…which it does!  And then…a weird comment about how the Inside Job guy isn’t wearing jeans.  I’m…uh…not sure what that meant, but…yeah!  Fight the power!

10:27 – Holy shit!  It’s Billy Crystal!  Telling a very long story about Bob Hope flipping him off!  Tonight’s broadcast will apparently be ending at 3Am.

10:31 — Was that Dave Thomas imitating Bob Hope’s introduction of Robert Downey, Jr. and Jude Law?  (“You’re not so good looking anymore, Jude Law,” says Dori.)

10:36 — The Social Network wins Best Editing.  Amy says, “This is our time!”  Take a drink!  (And one of their daughters is named Bronte?  Um…wow…)

10:42 – Much love for Anne Hathaway’s 14th dress of the evening.

10:42 – Jennifer Hudson introduces Best Song nominee, “If My Boobs Rise.”

10:43 — Amy says, “Oh, Sting, shut up!”  (Until she realizes it’s not Sting singing.)

10:44 — Amy officially has Gwyneth Fatigue.  Me, I’m just noticing that she’s really, really bronze.

10:47 — I have a strong suspicion Dori is in the lead in our Oscar pool.  Stay tuned!

10:48 — Randy Newman = comedy gold.

10:50 — Dori notes I’m starting to slur.  (Culprit:  vodka tonics.)

10:53 — Hmm…what’s going on?  Why is Celine Dion singing this sad song…oh no!  Tribute montage!    But…but…no clapping?  How do we know who wins the 2011 memorial clap-off?  (I’ll just go ahead and assume it’s Tony Curtis.   Or…no, wait, Lena Horne.)

11:04 — The guy who looks like a young James Cameron wins for The King’s Speech!  (And heres to mums!)

11:25 — I’ve abdicated the blog for awhile, but damn, we’re all happy here for Colin.  (“Oh, so classy,” says Amy.  “Take some lessons from him, Melissa Leo.”)

11:35 — Super excellent Best Picture montage, Academy!

11:36 — It’s not “our time!”  (But, okay, The King’s Speech was good, too!)

11:38 — Hooray for  thanks to parents and “my boyfriend”!  (And for the show not playing off the little bald man who said the last words for King’s Speech!)

11:39 — And…adorable children!

Thank you!  Good night!

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3 Responses to “Screengrab In Exile Live Blogs The Oscars!”


  1. 1 Von D. February 27, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    Randy Newman to the rescue!

  2. 2 Von D. February 28, 2011 at 12:03 am

    Ah, the visionary Tom Hooper. Whee.

  3. 3 Von D. February 28, 2011 at 12:20 am

    Apparently everyone else has passed out. Anyway, I didn’t have Portman in the pool. I think I’m done.


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