Project Runway: The Straight Guy Perspective (S14, Episode Nine)

by Andrew Osborne

Since the wife and I were digging the smooth, smooth, smooth groove of Yacht Rock Revue last night, I only have a few quick thoughts on last night’s Project Runway, in which the judges and designers all seemingly suffered collective head trauma.

I mean, that’s the only logical explanation, right?  Because what else could explain the terrible, terrible runway show and the judges’ completely inconsistent, illogical judging criteria?  (Even worse, I apparently bonked my own head, too, since nearly everything Zac Posen said made perfect sense to me, which has never, ever happened before.)

Now, granted, the challenge itself was a bit concussed:  i.e., designing boring corporate fashion cliche outfits for a boring, corporate mail order fashion company.

And given the parameters of the challenge, I guess it made sense for Edmond to score top honors with exactly the type of paint-by-numbers “va-voom!” red dress available in just about any fashion catalog in the Western hemisphere since, like, the 1920s.  (And, to be fair, his look fit his model like the paint job on a Maserati.)

But even so, why praise Edmond’s dress for looking exactly like every other red dress in the world (and ditto Swapnil’s, which looked like an even crummier, leopard-skin version of the same basic design with a bizarre egg sac overlay) while slamming Merline’s far more ambitious, creative, and stylish outfit for having a silhouette the judges have seen before?

Personally, I would have awarded the win to Ashley, whose catalog-friendly outfit was at least a bit more original and topped with a gold faux-leather jacket my wife thought was cute (though, to me, it kinda looked like she found it balled up in the back of a community theater costume closet).

Meanwhile, Darth Cuoco made a cool yet bizarre 19th century bathing costume (with a very groovy double-skirt thing I can’t quite describe), and Kelly made an insane mess of an outfit that I liked simply because it was such a wicked pissah encapsulation of her bonkers aesthetic.

On the other hand, despite all the anarchic discord and head injury on the judging panel this week, they at least found consensus in the sensible decision to Auf! Laurie after she once again failed to cover her model’s boobs, in service of a look that somehow managed to be slutty and completely unsexy simultaneously.

And that’s all for now…see you next week!


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