Project Runway: The Straight Guy Perspective (S14, Episode Eleven)

bridgedress

by Andrew Osborne

Last night on Project Runway, two designers participated in an avant-garde challenge, one scored a win, one got sent home, and everybody else just made some pretty dresses.  Oh, and Ashley cried.

So, the Final Five challenge was to (a) make an avant-garde look (b) inspired by one of three New York City bridges and then (c) create some 3D plastic crap to stick on the outfit.

Unfortunately, I don’t have time to write up a full recap today…but my live tweet-cap tweets below should hopefully give you the gist:

— Mmm…camera chick flashbacks!

– My wife thinks Ashley looks prettier without makeup.

– Oh, good…it seems like Tim’s had a nap since the last episode.

– Queensboro, Manhattan, or BROOKLYN BRIDGE. Hmm…what to choose, what to choose…?

— Avant-garde…architecture…3D printing…Cuoco Lugosi literally just went, “Squeeee!!!”

– Truly a challenge Cuoc the Impaler can sink her fangs into.

So, Boston Kelly…you’re just joking when you say you’re LITERALLY making a bridge dress, right? Uh…right?

Oh, dear. And Cuocsferatu’s looking for rope. Oh, dear, oh dear…

– Couc Chocula’s thinking outside the black box [note:  with a dress that features an actual color, even if it is…y’know, blood red.]  (But the wife and I are still totally rooting for Merline.)

– “Literal bridge” — “wacky stuff” — oh, Boston Kelly, you’re making me very, very nervous.

– I thought it, my wife said it: Ashley’s pants look clowny.

Commercial break!   Rachel Zoe is so boring even The Soup doesn’t make fun of her.

Junior managed to come up with an even more annoying ad than Rachel Zoe. “It’s giving me a migraine,” says the wife.

Back to the show!

The wife thinks Merline’s look is costumey, which fashionable people think is a bad thing…but which actually means awesome.

– Time for some workroom mentoring…and Boston Kelly’s dress is insane.  But, y’know what?  I’m with Tim:  it totally makes me smile. I love !!!

– Spoiler alert! Ashley’s feeling sad because she didn’t get enough support and reassurance!

– Okay, Hollywood…get started on the Merline & Boston Kelly buddy cop movie RIGHT NOW!!!

– What says avant garde more than the JustFab accessories wall?

– Ashley’s outfit looks WAY better with that boss cape.

Sorry, Ashley…there’s no tactful way of telling your model “pull in your boobs.”

— Y’know, I don’t want anyone to go home at this point. But…well, I guess I could live with an Ashley Auf. Sorry, Ashley.

NOTE:  The prize this week is…a Cube 3D printer!

– Just imagine the fun at the deli if Kelly wins that 3D printer.

RUNWAY TIME!!!

– Merline’s umbrella dress kinda rules. Edmond’s is fashionable, but not really avant garde except for the Jodi LaForge bit.

– Ashley’s dress looks like something from a Cher video. Queensboro of the Damned’s dress is cool, but not avant garde.

– If loving is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

– Correction: Edmond’s visor looks like GEORDI La Forge, not Jodi LaForge. I hereby relinquish my geek badge.

– Zac Posen says, “Incorporative,”  Because he is a tool.

– But huzzah! The judges love !!!

– And then:  boo!!!  C’mon, judges…you can’t praise Edmond and then say Merline’s dress isn’t avant garde enough. You tell ’em, [totally awesome celebrity guest judge and former Scary Spice Girl] Mel B!

– Mel B speaks for me. Merline, yes! Ashley, meh. (But it’s true, the fit of Ashley’s jumpsuit on her model is pretty nuts.  [Note:  In a good way…y’know, like nuts in a glove.  Oh, wait…that came out wrong.])

– Seems like the judges (except Mel B) are gunning for Merline, which is really bumming me out.

And the winner is…!!!

Flash forward to a deli in Malden, one month later:  “Sully! C’mon, stick it in the Cube…no, I’m serious!  It’ll make a wicked pissah 3D copy of your junk!”

And now, back to the show, as the judges eliminate Merline, the only other designer who actually did the challenge and made something avant-garde with a clever use of 3D printing because…oh, uh, part of the look resembled something from a previous avant-garde challenge (as opposed to the “safe” designers’ outfits, which all looked like a million other looks that weren’t even avant-garde.  Oh, but, wait!  Tim Gunn still hasn’t used his save, so…

…oh…crap…

– No Tim Gunn Save for happy dance makes me sad dance.

So, I guess we have our somewhat predictable Final Four…

– And be sure to tune in next week when…Ashley cries!!!

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