Statesmanship!

palpatrump

Reported by Andrew Osborne

In a final meeting of the Galactic Senate before dissolving it, Emperor Palpatine called for unity while vowing to crush the Rebellion and their “pitiful little band.” Forcefully denying reports that his Jedi Council appointee Anakin had, in fact, slaughtered all the younglings in the Jedi Temple, Palpatine nevertheless declared martial law and banned all incoming hyperspace travel until further notice. Asked for his reaction to the speech, Senator Binks (a recent Palpatine appointee to the Bureau of Speaking Correctly) responded, “Ooh! Me-sa think he-sa very statesmanlike to not Force Blast any-sa people or Tweet-sa for whole time he-sa talking. I-sa worried before, but now me-sa trust-sa him completely and know-sa Empire gunna make-a galaxy great again, okeeday?”

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